i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
