just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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