i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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