it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
