i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
