ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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