During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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