this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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