He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
