Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
