cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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