They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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