"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
