I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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