I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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