I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
