i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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