I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
