He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
