After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
