saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
