The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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