does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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