I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
