its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
