is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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