Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dick very happy bro
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
