Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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