How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
