Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
