I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Plan B is the new Plan A
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
