3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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