I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
