i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
