I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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