After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
