I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
