Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
