This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
