I think i sorta joined a cult last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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