if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
