Betty ford says i'm here all night
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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