I want to have your abortion
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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