Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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