wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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