can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
