Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
