I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
