So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
