I am puke
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
