party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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