Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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