Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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