Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
