Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
