I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
