Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
