I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
