remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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