dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
