what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize