census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
