the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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