I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just found a bag of teeth...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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