Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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