I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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