So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
