they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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