How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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