You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
