I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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