Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
