so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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