Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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