His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
