do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize