I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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